I just completed (“completed” in the sense that I attempted every exercise at least once) this core workout from Beginner Triathlete. I thought I’d take you through my mindset throughout:
Exercise 1: Standard crunch – I’ve done crunches since I was 6. Is this even worth my time? [eight crunches in] Those wings were probably a bad idea. [six crunches in, third set] I think a shotgun just backfired in my belly.
Exercise 2: Knee up crunches – I hope by saying “keep the small of your back against the floor” they mean everything except my neck, cuz that’s all that’s up.
Exercise 3: Hip lifts – Nope, no lifting here. Just swinging. And why the f*ck can’t I straighten my legs?
Exercise 4: Oblique crunches – Either I have some bomber obliques or I’m doing this wrong. Chances are I’m doing this wrong.
Exercise 5: Side plank dips – Up until this point I had done 3 sets of ten each. Halfway through the first set of this one, I got up and checked the site thinking I read it incorrectly. It’s not clear, and there’s no way in hell I can do three sets of these, so one set of 15 it is.
Exercise 6: Oblique leg extensions – I’m warm now, feeling good. [also thinking the guy on the website has ridiculously short shorts – half expecting a nut to go AWOL]
Exercise 7: Supermans – I can actually do all of these, and it feels like it’s doing some good rather than pain. Progress.
Exercise 8: Bridged leg lifts – My elbows hurt.
Exercise 9: Pushups – Not like benching at all, really. Shit.
Exercise 10: Heel touches – Why are my heels so goddamn far away? Why are my arms so short? I imagine myself looking like an upside down turtle, helplessly waving my arms.
Exercise 11: Bicycle crunches – I got through six. Stanza licked my face – broke my concentration. Her fault. No way I’m doing another set.
Exercise 12: Half up twists – 6 complete reps in and I’m grunting, moaning, and Stanza looks considerably concerned. I flop to the floor after eight, my stomach is heaving, and then it sets in: I’m a fat bastard.
So kids, have fun with this core workout. The guy says it’ll help swimming, biking and running. So far all I have is a sore lower back and a bruised ego.
P.S. Seriously, the guy’s shorts are way too short.