Kick me in the gut core workout

I just completed (“completed” in the sense that I attempted every exercise at least once) this core workout from Beginner Triathlete. I thought I’d take you through my mindset throughout:

Exercise 1: Standard crunch – I’ve done crunches since I was 6. Is this even worth my time? [eight crunches in] Those wings were probably a bad idea. [six crunches in, third set] I think a shotgun just backfired in my belly.

Exercise 2: Knee up crunches – I hope by saying “keep the small of your back against the floor” they mean everything except my neck, cuz that’s all that’s up.

Exercise 3: Hip lifts – Nope, no lifting here. Just swinging. And why the f*ck can’t I straighten my legs?

Exercise 4: Oblique crunches – Either I have some bomber obliques or I’m doing this wrong. Chances are I’m doing this wrong.

Exercise 5: Side plank dips – Up until this point I had done 3 sets of ten each. Halfway through the first set of this one, I got up and checked the site thinking I read it incorrectly. It’s not clear, and there’s no way in hell I can do three sets of these, so one set of 15 it is.

Exercise 6: Oblique leg extensions – I’m warm now, feeling good. [also thinking the guy on the website has ridiculously short shorts – half expecting a nut to go AWOL]

Exercise 7: Supermans – I can actually do all of these, and it feels like it’s doing some good rather than pain. Progress.

Exercise 8: Bridged leg lifts – My elbows hurt.

Exercise 9: Pushups – Not like benching at all, really. Shit.

Exercise 10: Heel touches – Why are my heels so goddamn far away? Why are my arms so short? I imagine myself looking like an upside down turtle, helplessly waving my arms.

Exercise 11: Bicycle crunches – I got through six. Stanza licked my face – broke my concentration. Her fault. No way I’m doing another set.

Exercise 12: Half up twists – 6 complete reps in and I’m grunting, moaning, and Stanza looks considerably concerned. I flop to the floor after eight, my stomach is heaving, and then it sets in: I’m a fat bastard.

So kids, have fun with this core workout. The guy says it’ll help swimming, biking and running. So far all I have is a sore lower back and a bruised ego.

See the full workout

P.S. Seriously, the guy’s shorts are way too short.

This entry was posted in tips, training, triathlon by Wyatt B.. Bookmark the permalink.

About Wyatt B.

The creative genius behind the team, I keep us looking dang good on the road. When not designing logos and websites and such, I wonder to myself why I ever left the flats of Minneapolis for the hills of southeastern PA. Maybe someday we'll get along.

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